Self-Care as Community Care
Self-Care in Relationships + Community
Exploring the third level of the self-care pyramid
Part 4 of 5
This post is part of a five part series.
Part 1: Self-Care Defined: Introducing the Self-Care Pyramid
Next up on the pyramid are the ways in which we meet our needs as social creatures. Receiving help, support, love, gifts, and physical touch in the context of our relationships are all a part of this level. In addition, giving help, support, love, gifts, and physical touch in the context of our relationships and community is also part of this level.
As social creatures who crave connection, we can practice self-care simply by plugging into our communities. On a most basic level, that might look like investing in relationships with friends and family.
A huge part of my own personal self-care toolkit is making time to hang out with friends—which can be surprisingly difficult as an adult! We need to be intentional about prioritizing our friend relationships because we can get a lot of nourishment out of these interactions.
Asking for Help
When I tested positive for COVID and our household needed to isolate, I received an outpouring of support from friends and family. I felt really loved and connected but at the same time I felt guilty accepting their help. I wasn’t really that sick—I was able to cook food and continue my other duties as a parent.
Our culture has ingrained into us a belief that unless we are visibly unwell, we don’t need to ask for help. That’s simply untrue. We can experience stress, overwhelm, depression, and grief even in the absence of an visibly challenging event (like the birth of a child, the loss of a loved one, experience unemployment, etc).
If you have trouble asking for help remember that acts of service and kindness benefit the giver just as much as the receiver. Asking for help allows you to feel supported and connected, while also providing your helper with a chemical boost and a chance to experience those feelings of connection as well.
Self-care is not only self-focused.
You’ve probably heard the analogy that self-care is like the instruction to put your own oxygen mask on first. When we care for ourselves first, we are able to show up more authentically for our family, friends, and our community. When a need arises, we can offer help.
That might look like bringing a meal to a grieving family, practicing a random act of kindness, or even volunteering.
Random Acts of Kindness
Random acts of kindness can be a form of chemical self-care. Obviously, it’s beneficial to the person on the receiving end of the kindness but it’s also beneficial to you, the giver. Random acts of kindness can boost oxytocin (the love hormone), dopamine, and serotonin, resulting in what’s known as a “helper’s high.”
Volunteering
Another form of self-care that gives back to those around you is volunteering. When you volunteer, you plug into your community’s social safety net, helping others, building connections, and boosting your own sense of support simultaneously. Volunteering also increases feelings of happiness and even longevity. Other benefits of volunteering include providing a sense of purpose for the volunteer and the opportunity to learn new skills which could help in making a job switch or getting a pay bump (also things that influence our ability to care for ourselves and others).
To reap the most benefits from these forms of self-care, put them on repeat. Regular volunteering and random acts of kindness will help you feel better longer.
Boundaries
There are times when relationships can swing out of balance in unhealthy ways. In these situations, taking care of yourself means establishing boundaries.
Remember that it’s okay to say “no.”
Acts of service and kindness do offer us a payout but there are times when we might be feeling too overextended to help.
No is a complete sentence and for some people, saying “No, period,” will take a lot of practice.
If you know you have a lot of difficulty saying no or setting boundaries in relationships, or if you find yourself in an unsafe relationship, ask for help. A therapist can support you in finding ways to heal and deal.
Self-care activities for this level of the Self-Care Pyramid:
Plan to engage in a regular random act of kindness (like always carry spare change so you can pay someone else’s meter forward or take a cup of coffee to the unhoused person you pass on your way to work).
Schedule time to volunteer at an organization that’s aligned with your values.
Meet a friend for tea or a walk and talk.
Join a book club.
Organize a clothing swap, donate the unclaimed items to a shelter for survivors of domestic abuse.
Gather a group of neighbors to beautify your block—pick-up trash in the morning and then enjoy an outdoor potluck lunch together after the work is done.
Video Chat with loved ones who are far away.
Write a love letter to encourage a friend or family member.
Write a thank you note.
Swap babysitting services with another parent or family you’re close with.
Play a game with a friend or your family.
What other activities would add for this level? Let me know in the comments below!
Next time, we’ll move up the pyramid and explore self-care as personal development. If you haven’t already, be sure to use the form below to subscribe so you don’t miss a post!